Category Archives: Motherhood

3 Ways To Avoid Feeling Incompetent

My recent weeks led me to enumerate these 3 ways to avoid feeling incompetent. Lately, the stress of my different roles suddenly made me feel insecure about my skills and performance. For a couple of years now, I believe that somehow (though not perfectly), I have been able to do a lot of tasks and satisfy most expectations of my roles.  And so whenever I am faced with a new role, I almost always just accept everything. Lately though, I think I have been biting off more than I can chew. The results: mediocre outputs, unsatisfied peers and loved-ones, and a severely damaged ego. And so I put this list up so I can have something to refer to now and in the future.

1. Reassess your strengths. 

No one is good at nothing. I have always been a believer of that. We are sons and daughters of a supreme being and we are of divine nature. That truth alone should inspire us to look into ourselves in a better light. Review your interests, passions and skills. What are you good at? There must be something there. A hint is when you get acknowledgements from people because of something you’ve said or done. I am not saying that we should only rely on other people’s opinion of what’s good about us, but at the very least, we have somewhere to start. Introspection is also vital. As human beings we have the unique capacity to be self conscious – to stand outside of ourselves for a time and reevaluate our core. Have you ever tried to imagine meeting yourself for the first time? What would probably strike you in your first conversation? It’s a fun activity. And it’s a good exercise to start building self confidence and finding one’s strengths along  the way.

2. Accomplish something today.

There are days when we just feel stupid and useless. I know. I’ve experienced that a lot. The only way to counter that is to actually attempt to do something and finish it. Do you have a to-do list? Give yourself a confidence boost by checking off at least an item or two from that list. It doesn’t have to be grand. Simple tasks like finally organizing your desktop files or drawer, giving someone a thank you note, or updating your medical record can be counted. No accomplishment is too small. At the end of the day, when you look back and see  that you’ve failed your major  tasks, you have those small accomplishments to keep you from feeling so down. It’s not everything, but it’s something, and definitely better than nothing.

3. Use criticisms positively.

There will always be critics. No matter how simple your tasks are and how good you think you are at what you do, at the back of your head you are really afraid of people who would say “You could have done it this way” or “This is not good enough”. The hardest part is to reconcile what you and what others believe to be satisfactory. Things will be more difficult and you would feel more incompetent if you believe that comments are given to put you down. More often than not, we can use criticisms to improve the way we work and even our outputs. If you believe that people have good intentions when they suggest improvements, then you will be able to accept and use criticisms to your advantage. Otherwise, you would end up feeling defeated and laughed at. It’s really a matter of perspective.

When I was writing  this I thought of the different hats I wear so I hope these things would apply to most, if not all.  🙂 But when all else fails, you can always take a break and get your minds off all the stressful things for a moment. Personally, it helps when I remind myself of this wonderful quote:

Don’t you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don’t come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.”
― Jeffrey R. Holland

Thankful Tuesday: My Loving Mama

Every Tuesday from now on (hopefully) I’d like to post a blog entry about people/things/blessings I am grateful for. There’s actually tons of them it would take a lifetime for me to even get close to half of the list. Needless to say though, I won’t get anywhere unless I start from somewhere.

So today I would like to shine the spotlight on my mother, Candelaria Conde Solivio. She won’t be able to read this, but I do let her know how much I love her vocally and in letters. This time I just want the whole world (wide web, that is) to know how great she is. The woman who raised me, Mama, as we call her, is without a doubt the best in her field – motherhood. Let me share a few reasons why.

Mama serves selflessly.

Pride? Time? Work? Relaxation? Friends? Herself? Name it. I’m sure one way or another, she has given up everything that is required for her to take good care of her family. After the death of my eldest brother in 1987, life has been rough for us. Mama needed to think of ways to feed 2 high schoolers and 2 babies (I was one of them ^^), not to mention my father who went through depression and couldn’t work back then. She gave up all earthly vanities and just got up, stared trials in the face and got to work. She did not have a real work, but for about a year, she kept the family together by plain diskarte and some really good pakikisama.

Mama forgives wholeheartedly.

She forgives everyone. When people hurt her, she doesn’t hurt them back. She would cry though, a lot. But regardless if the person asks for forgiveness or not, she just forgives. That’s how forgiving she is. There were people and  events in her life that caused her unimaginable amount of pain. I would sometimes hear her recall those memories but I never see anger in her eyes. Just sadness. Many people, including myself, ought to learn a thing or two from her about forgiveness.

Mama loves unconditionally.

All mothers do, I think. And everyone has this potential. But growing up, Mama gave me the best possible example of unconditional love in action: her life. I will never succeed in putting into words how deeply she shares her love, and shows it in her simple ways. I am blessed to witness her devotion up until this very hour.

I am so grateful for having been raised by a wonderful mother. And my child is lucky to have a grandmother like her. It would be an honor to be even half the mother she is. She doesn’t just know best. She is the best.

Mama and me
Mama and me

A letter to my child

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Liriko, our precious little man.

We know that in life the roads aren’t made of gold,
That people cry and people die, and memories grow old.
If in a mess you get caught up and feel you’re in a trance,
Stop and pray then read this letter once you get the chance:

My dearest child, remember that you are loved
By your parents on earth and your Father above
Your life is precious, your roots are divine.
When tested, be patient, perfection takes time.

Sometimes the world would mock what’s right
And one must choose between fight or flight.
In such a time child, firmly hold your ground.
Fear will wither where faith abounds.

Sometimes your plate might seem awfully full
And you’ll even wonder why you have to go to school.
In such a time child, think of what really matters
A few things are treasures in the grandest ever after.

Sometimes the righteous, they suffer even more
And you’ll see good people dragged further to the floor.
When it seems like for evil the stars are all aligned
Remember that for this, justice He designed.

Sometimes you’ll get hurt and sorrow you’ll find.
You might even lose hope and faith in mankind.
But think of how once He atoned for your sins,
And learn what great joy forgiveness can bring.

Sometimes in love, you think He’s unfair
That He answers others yet ignores your prayers.
When in waiting it seems your life’s mostly spent
Just think that it would all make sense in the end.

My dearest child, remember that you are loved
By your parents on earth and your Father above
Your life is precious, your roots are divine.
When tested, be patient, perfection takes time.